dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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