we're blogging at a bar
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
