maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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