eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
did you just send me my own nude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
