I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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