if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
