Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
