i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize