I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
