I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
