Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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