We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
