Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
