her facebook's as public as her vagina
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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