look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
