i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
pray to the hookup gods
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