so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
