dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize