So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
