Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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