Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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