the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
