Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
