Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
