is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize