you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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