I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
