Having a random hookup so left but love u
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
