My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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