it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
