You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
pray to the hookup gods
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
