Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
