dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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