I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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