matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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