We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
