You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
