u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
