Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
