The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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