Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
