at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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