my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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