Pappa wants mamma naked
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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