i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
