your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
