worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
