I will die if light touches me.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this just has baby written all over it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
