Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
