Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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