one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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