Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
