don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
