God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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