Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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