So drunk its hurt
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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