Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize