Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
