We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
