Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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