Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
