Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
