I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
