im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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