There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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